Shard
by kryptyd
Summary: Pansy Parkinson hasn’t talked to her imaginary friend since she was a child, but now, jealous of Pansy’s growing feelings for Hermione, it returns intent on wrecking havoc on Pansy’s mind and life.
1. 1

Pansy was sitting under the lilac tree at the bottom of the garden at the back of the Parkinson's large townhouse. She was talking to her best friend Jenny. She was always with Jenny. Jenny could do everything that Pansy could not; where Pansy was shy, Jenny was confident. She wasn't sure of her age but Pansy had the feeling that Jenny was definitely older than she was. But at the bottom of the garden, under the lilac blossoms, sat one little girl.  
First Pansy would speak, very quickly, in her nervous, high pitched voice then Jenny would answer, slowly and self-assured, through Pansy's mouth. Even though Jenny lived inside Pansy's head she was not like her at all. She was confident, witty and sophisticated. Somehow she knew so much more than Pansy did. Pansy was very glad that they were best friends and often told Jenny that when they grew up, they could be princesses and rule a beautiful land together. Jenny laughed and said, "We'll see".  
Pansy's parents were indulgent with Jenny, setting a place for her at the table and so on. There was a nine year gap in age between little Pansy and their next youngest child so what harm was it if she had an imaginary friend to keep her company? Even so Pansy got the impression that it was not strictly normal for two people to have a chat through one mouth. This was especially obvious when company called. Pansy hated the searching looks and sidelong glances she generated in the imperious witches and wizards who were her parent's friends. Slowly she and Jenny learned to continue their conversations in silence. This had advantage that now when she was receiving her schooling in the drawing room overlooking the garden and lilac tree she could continue talking to Jenny if her lessons proved too dull. She did not speak of Jenny to others anymore, but Jenny's calm, slow voice was there, clear as ever, her comfort and her confidant.  
Everything changed when Pansy was ten and a half. She now felt impossibly tall and skinny. She bumped into things wherever she went in the house or garden and seemed to be all knees and elbows. Worst of all Jenny found it funny and began to taunt her. One day Pansy was rearranging the dressing table in her room to make it more befitting to a young lady. She had a small container of sparkly talcum powder and a set of pretty nail polishes her mother had bought for her on a trip to town and she was trying to place them in a would-be casual manner on the table. Suddenly the nail polish slipped from her hand and smashed on the tiles. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and sat down quickly to stop them. Young ladies didn't cry. The Jenny spoke: "Oh, what has that clumsy great spider-monkey gone and done now?" Pansy told her that if she didn't want to help she could keep her opinions to herself. Silence. She stared up into the looking glass of the dressing table. Her long hair was limp and her nose rather turned up at the end and oh- little bumps beginning to form on her chest. So embarrassing! Was she always this ugly? "No, you're taking a turn for the worst" Jenny's voice was infuriatingly knowing and slow. "Shut up!" said Pansy out loud and at that moment the mirror shattered, pieces flying into the four corners of the room. A shard tore across Pansy's cheek. She screamed "get away from me! I'm too old for an imaginary friend!" Shortly after this incident Pansy decided that Jenny was making her crazy so she ordered her to leave. Many explosions and silent arguments later Jenny did leave Pansy in peace. Her parents said they weren't angry about the explosions or broken antique looking glass and explained that it was only the first signs of her magic manifesting itself. Pansy listened with empty eyes. She seemed to have lost any interest she had in life in getting rid of Jenny. Or perhaps Jenny had taken some of her vitality away with her when she left. She went through the following months like a sleep walker and felt no emotion when she left her home or as she bid her parents farewell before she got on the train to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 


	2. 2

Pansy Parkinson was a 16 year old girl attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her lanky, ten year old appearance had been replaced as the other girls of her age had growth spurts of their own and caught up with her. She was now of medium height and had long, fair hair scraped back into a severe ponytail. Some of the girls she shared a dorm with had posters of pop bands or quidditch stars that they liked on the walls. The wall near Pansy's bed was blank. She didn't care about music or quidditch. She went about with her mouth slack and her lips slightly parted wearing a blank expression on her face. The only time those eyes lit up was when she was hurling an insult at someone she didn't like, which was practically everyone. But right now she was in potions class, and if anyone had cared to look they would see a girl who looked like she neither knew nor cared where she was. As her Professor's soft voice rustled on unheard in the background a strange thought was forming in Pansy's mind. "If I disappeared from the world this instant, nobody would notice I had gone". Now, anonymity had always been part of her life in Hogwarts. There was a groups of girls that Pansy could often be seen with that an observer might describe as her friends, but she knew that they only wanted her there to increase their numbers. "Like a pack of wolves" she thought. Nobody felt anything in particular for her. Tolerance, irritation, mild dislike. She knew she meant these things to different people as she listed her teachers and fellow students in her head. She only had one real friend and when she felt this down she was sure that he must have an ulterior motive. But why was this bothering her all of a sudden? Did she want more friends? Popularity? No. A feeling of confusion and dread was creeping up from her stomach as she stared at the back Hermione Granger's head. It was her. She wanted to see something other than annoyance and distaste in Her eyes. She wanted Hermione to look at her with admiration. She tried to rationalize this ridiculous feeling. It's Hermione Granger. She's in Gryffindor, she thinks she knows everything, she's prideful, aloof -but you like that-. She sqeezed her eyes shut. She was shaking a little when Professor Snape's voice cut through her brooding thoughts: "Miss Parkinson, would you answer the question?" It was not the note of menace in a disregarded Professor's voice that filled her with horror that moment but for a split second she thought that her secret thoughts had been revealed before the whole room. The irrational terror passed but it had not gone unnoticed by Pansy's teacher. It was in a barely less icy tone that he added "Some fresh air perhaps, Parkinson?" She nodded, got quickly up and walked briskly out of the room nearly bumping into someone's desk along the way. A small act of kindness from Professor Snape was quite an unbelievable occurrence, even for a student from his favoured house but this paled in comparison with the dreadful question that was opening up an abyss within her: Was she falling in love with Hermione Granger? 


	3. 3

Pansy was sitting on the low wall of a fountain out in the windy courtyard when her friend Greg found her. "Well, what was all that about?" he said as he plonked his large bulk down beside her on the wall. "Nothing" Pansy replied flatly. After a few moments silence Greg pressed on quietly "is it the exams?" Pansy made a face practically spat "as if! "Huh huh, yeah." Chuckled Greg "you worry about exams about as much as me n' Vincent." They sat in comfortable silence another moment until Pansy sighed. "Greg, what am I doing here? Sometimes I feel like I've just woken up from a years long sleep and forgotten to live." This statement just produced a look of alarmed confusion on Greg's face but Pansy went on "you know, what am I doing in Slytherin? When will I ever make my family proud? I'm not that clever and I'm the last person in the world you could call ambitious, I'm just.just." Relief flooded Greg's face. "Oh, is that all? No, don't be annoyed Pansy, I know what you mean, they only threw me into Slytherin cos they couldn't stick me anywhere else! You know? Hufflepuff's motto? I'll teach them all but not Gregory Goyle! Huh huh." Pansy gave Greg a faint smile and got a bone crushing one-armed hug in return. Greg let Pansy go and they had a little nervous laugh. It wasn't very Slytherin to show affection in public.  
  
Pansy felt a small bit braver now. "Um.Greg, that's not the worst thing, though." Greg gave her a questioning look so she went on quickly, hearing the pitch of her voice rising as she tried to hold on to her courage: "well, I think I like someone, yeah, "like" like them. I think. And it's someone who won't like me back and they're in another house and it's.it's.a girl." She said the last two words in a whisper. In an instant Greg had his hand up to his mouth in an expression of wide- eyed astonishment. "Don't do that!" snapped Pansy and slapped down Greg's hand. "Oh my God" muttered Greg. "Don't do that either" said Pansy, Sreeching again "tell me what I'm supposed to do about this!" Greg was looking around as if to find something to help him. Eventually he stammered "but.but.but.Pansy, you like Draco, don't you? "I don't know, Greg, all I know is I can't stop thinking about.that person," she said despairingly. "But you went to the ball with Draco" Pansy shrugged "Well, Draco is a. He has a .a very good family." "The best" Greg agreed, nodding vigorously. "But he never made me feel like I wish I could be .different. He never made me feel.like this" Pansy struggled with the words. "Uh, but you feel bad, Pansy." Said Greg, who got an exasperated look from Pansy for his trouble. "Well, they say love'll do that to you- make you feel weird, I mean" finished Greg wisely. "Who say" muttered Pansy, annoyed at him for using the "L" word. "Oh, you know. Songs 'n stuff. The Weird Sisters have one that goes-" But he was interrupted by Pansy pointing back towards the school and muttering "Duty calls". Draco and Vincent were a few metres away, looking over, Draco with an air of theatrical impatience. But Greg was already gathering his books together, ready to run to Draco's beck and call. Pansy sighed. Just as he was leaving, Greg turned back and leaned in close so the others wouldn't hear "Pansy you're the prettiest and smartest girl I know. You'll figure it out. And the girl you like is really lucky" He gave her what was meant to be a friendly punch in the arm, winked and ran off after Draco and Vincent. She saw Draco give Greg a reproachful look, presumably for daring to talk to anyone but himself. Pansy sat there feeling a bit bewildered. Yep, the only thing Draco had going for him was his family name; but that didn't necessarily mean she fancied girls did it? And Greg was so sweet but so clueless. She stood up wearily and made her way back towards the common room. "Greg, I'm the only girl you know" she whispered to herself as she walked. 


	4. 4

Pansy found it hard to sleep that night and was not surprised to find herself awake again after what seemed like the hundredth attempt. She listened to the quite breathing of the other girls in the dormitory and the wind outside. It was very late now. She began again to think through all the unaccustomed thoughts she's been having lately. What was it about Hermione Granger that made it so impossible to go on with things as normal? In potions earlier she felt like she just wanted Hermione to take an interest in her, to see her as a person of many layers and not just that bitch from Slytherin. But she didn't even know if she had layers or deserved someone to see her in that way. And if she did, what then? Would they kiss? Run off and elope together?! She had to suppress a snort of laughter. All the thoughts conflicting in her head made her want to laugh and cry at once. Then, deafening in the stillness of the dormitory, she heard a voice. A voice that made her feel as if she'd been suddenly drenched with icy water. She lay as if bound to the bed as Jenny's still- familiar voice spoke: "Pansy, I couldn't help but overhear. What all this about you turning into a lesbian?" Pansy shook with fear but tried to remain firm, after all that was how she got rid of Jenny the last time. "Jenny, I don't know why you came back but please go away. I have enough things to be dealing with at the moment," she said silently. "Oh but I wasn't gone, I was just hanging about here, plumbing the depths as it were" Jenny's calm voice continued, filled with malice, "You're a very two dimensional person, Pansy, I know, I live here. How can you expect darling Hermione to recognise you for a real, complicated person when it's as if you've been cut from paper?" "Leave me alone, get OUT!" Pansy felt rage flooding through her now. "It's not even interesting paper" Jenny added gleefully. Pansy had had enough of this. She was a 16 year old girl, practically a woman. She didn't have to take this crap from a figment of her own imagination. "Jenny, you have no right to do this to me. I own my own mind so you better do what I tell you and leave. I told you before I'm too old for an imaginary friend- or enemy" There was silence in Pansy's mind for a moment before Jenny continued speaking in a horrible sickly sweet voice; "Pansy dear, that is never what I was. You cannot control me and I don't like the way you've taken to speaking to me. I also do not like this Hermione person's hold over you. I'm a wee bit possessive that way. You had better forget about her or I'll kill her" If Pansy had been speaking out loud her voice would have been rising with panic but she knew these threats were ridiculous, so she tried to finish the argument once and for all; "Jenny, you are NOTHING. You're a companion a lonely child made up and guess what? She doesn't need you anymore. You can't frighten me with your stupid threats. You have no way of harming her so leave me alone this instant. I control my mind" Silence answered her and with relief she felt her heavy breathing start to ease when suddenly she noticed she was now standing near the foot of her bed, a dagger-shaped letter opener clutched in her hand. Her screams woke everyone in that wing of the castle. 


	5. 5

She could hear voices; far away.They sounded worried. I can't hear them.Wait.  
  
".And there's one or two every OWL year. I know what I'm talking about, Professor!" "I understand, Madam Pomfrey, but the nature of this outburst was rather unusual. Some of my pupils are still rather.disturbed by it." "Well, I tell you Severus, I see this with every fifth year. Some of them are trying to get out of taking their exams, either consciously of otherwise. And the pupils from your house seem to suffer unduly from parental pressure." "Miss Parkinson is usually a very level headed student. I take exception to the fact that you suspect her of trying to shirk her-" "Out, Severus! I'm having none of this! Parkinson will be fine, now shoo!" Professor Snape allowed himself to be compelled from the room by Madam Pomfrey. As the mediwitch turned back from the hospital wing door she saw that her patient was awake. Pansy was lying on her side in a hospital bed, a haunted look on her face. "Why haven't I been sent home" said Pansy in a hoarse voice "what I said was true" she added. "What, that you're dangerous, dear?" Madam Pomfrey asked, still in her brisk voice but now radiating a demeanour of care and concern. "Yes. I'm a danger to another student and possibly myself too. You have to send me home." Speaking seemed to take a great effort from Pansy. "Parkinson, you are clearly suffering from pre-exam nerves and have had a terrible nightmare" "How many times do I have to say it: I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE OWLS! I.I'm sorry for shouting you just have to send me home. Or lock me up?" Pansy sunk back into the bed and looked up imploringly at Madam Pomfrey. "Oh, poor child!" Said Madam Pomfrey; her commanding façade melting completely "I must teach you a spell to rid your mind of the after effects of nightmares!" She was too drained to argue. Pansy listened vaguely as Pomfrey explained an incantation called "Erasomnium" and barely heard her many assurances that everything would be all right after some proper rest. All too soon she was back in the common room, as if nothing had happened. She could hardly believe it. She - or was it her - Had threatened to kill another student. Hermione. Now she didn't know if she wanted to try to approach Hermione at all. The thought of her produced no emotion in Pansy now, except a indistinct sadness and an increase in the ever-present fear of the time when she would have to hear Jenny's dreadful voice again. Jenny was silent now. But Hermione would never want to know Pansy. She was either crazy or possessed. No one in the common room noticed as Pansy began silently crying. 


	6. 6

Greg caught up with Pansy as their class were leaving the greenhouse at the end of herbology class. "Pansy, wait up! I have something to tell you!" Said Greg, running up to Pansy, who was walking very quickly up the hill towards the school. She turned around with a look on her face that stopped Greg in his tracks. "What?" Snarled Pansy. "It's just something I heard that might help you with.That thing you told me about" said Greg. He looked so taken aback that Pansy felt ashamed of herself for snapping at him. She looked around to make sure none of their classmates were within earshot. "Hey, listen Greg. I'm sorry but I don't even know if I have any feelings for her any more. I just don't know." A grin spread over Greg's face. "What's so funny?" Demanded Pansy. "It's perfect! What I've got to tell you will help. I promise!" Greg said enthusiastically. They entered the school and found a quite corner in the hall where they could talk. Pansy wondered briefly if Jenny was listening in but her curiosity got the better of her. "Well, what is it?" She asked. "I was thinking about when we were talking about the Yule Ball the other day and-" "If this is about that little prat Draco, forget it!" Pansy interrupted. Greg looked a little hurt that she would dismiss Draco so easily but he continued: "No it's not that. I remembered I heard two sixth years talking before the ball. Daisy White was telling Orla O' Connor that she was supposed to going to the ball with her boyfriend. Her rich, pureblood boyfriend, but she really liked this guy from Hufflepuff." "Muggle born?" asked Pansy incredulously. "Yep. Anyway, White didn't know what to do and O' Connor told her about this mirror she found when she was sneaking out of the school one night. It's a magic mirror, Pansy! And if you look in it, it shows you what you want. in your heart." Greg looked supremely proud of himself. "Greg, do you think it would help me decide what to do if I looked in this mirror?" Asked Pansy slowly. "Well it's got to. It sorts out matters of the heart. Well that's what O' Connor said." "Then I'll do it. Thanks Greg. You're the best! So who did Daisy White go to the ball with in the end?" "She kept the rich boyfriend" Said Greg. "Oh." Pansy trailed off, looking at her feet. "Pansy, it doesn't mean that you can't go out with someone from a different house. Even a Gryffindor" Greg said, smiling. "What!? How did you know?" Spluttered Pansy. "I keep my eyes open" Grinned Greg. "Well" Said Pansy regaining her composure "Tell me where the magic mirror is." 


End file.
